I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Randomize
