woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize