Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
