I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
