is your mom at the bar?
I accidentally had phone sex last night
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
The air was thick with penises
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
