Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
