shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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