dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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