saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
