new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
you're hired as official boob wrangler
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
