It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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