I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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