I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
