3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
