So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
