I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
