LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
