Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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