Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
