True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
