My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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