I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Randomize
