He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
