I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
