The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
