Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
