i think my mom watched the whole time
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
So much Jack, so little girl.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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