So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
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