so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
