In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I just want nice things and good sex
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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