I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
