You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
