You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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