dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
