i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
