Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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