I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
