If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
