We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize