I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
