Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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