I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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