he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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