It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
