I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
honey bunches of taint.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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