There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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