Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
