Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I looked at my own cervix.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
