I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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