when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
